ஐღº Departure ºღஐ

As life goes on... i have learn many things in life... i use to think that being apart from someone is something painful and sorrow, impossible to accept... But today i have come to realize the difference... The difference not in sense that it is alright to be apart from someone we love or cherish... But the departure of someone that we once loved and cherished... The feeling that the person would be gone forever and never back...

When i was a small kid back then, i use to take relationships as tho they were my life. I use to think that being apart with someone that we love the most are something painful and unacceptable. Every time a relationship i have ended, i get sad and lifeless... But today has let me realize the true painful of so called "being apart"... Apart not as in the situation of stopped talking or texting someone, but the apart of not being able to see them again... or even hear from them...

It was a day when my father slept till late afternoon... which made me wonder what has happened... But i never thought much about it, instead i just assumed that he was tired and needed more rest. As the clock hits 5pm in the evening, i was even more surprised that no one talked about the usual sunday hike that we always go consistently. When i asked my father where would we go for dinner, he answered me with a normal tone "He passed away, didn't you know?" At that moment, its as tho my heart fell to my stomach... Not literally, but the feeling of a shocking news that was heard out of expectations. Even with his so calmed and normal tone, a slight feeling of sorrow were felt... My father, also as my idol has always been a strong figure in my life... His determination and the way he deals with things, made me so today. It was a day where the house were drown by complete silence... Everyone's face showed nothing... and out of nothing, something... well you get what i mean... its indescribable... As we were all dressed black and grey... we stepped into our father's car and headed for his place... maybe for one last time we would see him...

The trip there were silent... None spoke of a word... As we have arrived, many were there... but silent remains... We walked into his house with feelings so complicated... To be honest i didn't even knew if i would shed tears... We all took one of those that chinese called "xiang", its a kind of tradition thing... As we were lining up to give him our last words... i could hear my uncle's mourn... The mourn of a true friend that gave everyone the feeling that "he is gone...forever..."

Then all started to tear... Even for me i couldn't resist... He was like an uncle to me... Even before i was able to start remember things, he is already in my life... Although im not as close to him, unlike my siblings and my father... But i could feel the bond, as tho its being break apart... We then walked in to see him for one last time... He was already in there... Laying there... as tho he was asleep... Again... its indescribable... Then i see this figure that had always been someone that i look up to... He has always been telling me about his experience in life... my brother... turned around, facing the wall... Without asking i could tell... How he felt deep inside himself...

And this is one thing that surprised me the most... The man that had brought me up... raised me into what i am today... Looking into those eyes of his that were always serious and at times fierce... for the first time i saw them becoming red... and filled with tears about to drop.... I could understand how painful it really is to have someone so close and important to leave...forever... Those impression of people and feelings that weren't able to be understand merely by words or from normal situation made me realize how the meaning of truly apart is...

A person's life are precious... Some people died with no reason and meaning... Some with meanings so deep, that its not just carved, but planted into the core of our heart forever... With his whole life gave us a conclusion... a lesson that made us all grown up a little bit more... A great indescribable realization of great truth that were only able to be understand by a departure of forever....

We would always love you... and as we remember you, you will always be in our memory and in all of us... apart of you will always be alive and continue to walk down this road of life with us...

Rest in Peace...

To those out there... Cherish your life... Some things would never come back as they are gone... When a bond or a relationship ends, do not sorrow or anger... hatred is just another childish reason to avoid reality... Cherish the time we have... both with our friends and enemy... because once the true ending comes... Nothing that happened now would ever happen again... Things that hurt us and aided us are what that made us who we are today and are what that had brought us up and forged us... And give us lessons in life to one day realize something that we never knew...

Cherish all we have...

Both liked and disliked...

Because everything thats in life is a part of life...

We only live life once...

Live it all out...

outss....

ஐღº A.C ºღஐ

ஐღº Memories Unfold ºღஐ

A sudden strike of emotions had bring upon a memory that i once had... deeply carved in my heart... Lets make this into a story shall we? It begins with two good friends...

Once there were two good friends, although they were parted by a huge age gap, they were managed to be friends. And well the younger one never really had an interesting hobby, so he always asked about a lot of things and his curiosity sometimes annoys people around him... One day the elder one introduced to him something called "chess". In favor of his interest, the younger friend had accept his offer and had learnt chess from him... And they had good times playing chess... and till one day the younger friend asked the elder friend "hey buddy, what is it that we are able to gain from playing chess?" the elder friend answered, "wasting time..." the younger friend had a sudden moment of silent, then he stopped playing chess with his friend ever again.... and they had never talked much nor discuss much things together ever again...

As this simply story above, whoever that are still reading my blog or randomly read my blog, mind to leave comments on the comment box? what do you think about this?

outss

ஐღº A.C ºღஐ

ஐღº After all ºღஐ

Hi guys... yea i haven't been blogging for a really long time and i know that... its 5:16 am in the morning... just decided not to sleep since i couldn't sleep anyway...

well... To look back at the early of this year, time seems to have passed so fast... 10 months seems just in a blink of an eye... My SAM is finally ending... and for some of us i do know that we might not have the chance of meeting again... but still i treasure this relationship and bond that fate has brought upon for us...

In college, life were never the same... Before we get into college, we never knew things could be this complicated... not just because of the stressful assignments, but people as well... our community around us... keep your mouth shut, and you could be a lone ranger for your whole SAM, studying like a cow... but things sometimes just happens so late and so slow... anyway, lets get into the point... in college we get to experience many things... well of course we do, what im trying to say is that when a person has really walked thru an experience like this, they could really understand what is growing up... the feeling when people around you are starting to think differently and people who you've judge by looks, might just shock you... At the late of this year, i got to know a girl, whos name is ******** (confidentiality purposes). Well lets say that some friend of mine really have some fetish with me, we love to judge people, but of course its just for our own entertainment (i know its kinda weird), we thought she was a really playful and wild girl, does things regardless of what others think. But we were wrong, dead wrong... after getting to know her, she weren't the same... She has shared her stories with us, we got to know her better, upon realizing that shes a totally different person from who we expected, it really shocked us... In a way that how could someone that looked like that could be so different from what we expected, although we've learned long before that we are not suppose to judge a book by its cover, judge a person by how they look... But she made me realize that in life, there are many things that varies, even for a beautiful girl like her had told us, she does not change her so called "target" so fast for no reason... Why must a person be called such things as "playgirl" or "playboy"? People just wanted to find that special someone in their life, its not anyone's right to judge. So if you were together with a person, you gave both of you a chance, and things didn't work out, things got worst and awkward, whats the best choice? To hold on and feel more awkward and ending up being strangers, or just end it and still be able to be friends? Its a tough choice to make... As choices are what that made things happen in our life... just like today, i hit my god dammed car into a concrete wall (damn i was blind...). At first i was as pissed as hell!!! Of course i would, i mean, who wouldn't? right? but then just after awhile I've hit my car, i received a message from a friend of mine, saying that she was at a wedding dinner... And i actually smiled to such a simple message... No doubt i was really happy that she had messaged me, making me realized that she was really a person that could bring happiness into my life... Then thinking back what if i didn't hit my car in to a GODDAMMNED concrete wall, how would i feel then? Would i feel different? Would i feel that feeling that i get when i got all the way from pissed to smiling by just such a simple little message that took less than a minute to type and send?

In life we often takes things for granted, no doubt i'm one of those idiots as well. Last time i would think that getting a girl to love me is something that i could be proud of... Getting a really good looking girlfriend is something to boast around about... But sometimes we have placed these things in our mind so much, we mind about how people see us with our lovers together, we've forget that what was the first reason that we loved each other... was it because we loved each other? or was it just to satisfy our own needs?

If we were to say that "love" was something for weaklings, only weak people would learn to love... to have emotions... how would this world be like? Its amazing how love could drive a person to achieve their goals, and how love could make a person die... How many great wars in the ancient times were lost because of love... We could say that it is a strong emotion that could conquer all, at the same time destroy all...

Because of those things i've realized, maybe its time i should stop trying to find that someone for me, but wait for fate to do its thing?

I've just totally lost track of what to write because of some really annoying sound at 5:43am in the morning... People whom live in Malaysia should understand... haha...

well i guess thats all for now... although to be honest, there are things that i wanted to write at the end but didn't... Somethings are better kept this way in the dark i assume...

GOOD MORNING WORLDDD~^^

Thx guys for still reading my blog...

outt~~~

ஐღº A.C ºღஐ

ஐღº An unlucky day, yet the luckiest ºღஐ

Hey guys, today was a erm... LONG day, hahhas! many things happened, let us move right into the point kays? Well, it all started in the morning, 6am, woke up as usual, and prepared, left house at 6:30... And thats when all the bullshits started to happen, also when i got lucky, in some ways... My car, couldn't move nor accelerate when thou its in D gear (Automatic car), but luckily the Shell station was just right in front of me! so i managed to literally "Roll" my car all the way to shell station, and parked right in front of it. Imagine i passed shell station and my car spoil, i would be completely helpless in the middle of the high way at 7am in the morning. After parking my car a shell, realizing that its not going to move, right beside me was a taxi, the dude was pumping his car tires. I asked him if he could fetch me back to Ampang, he told me that it would be very jam to go head back now, it would be a greater choice if i head straight to Subang, for i have an assignment to catch at 9am, so time was crucial, i do not have the luxury of heading back to Ampang in search for help. But the taxi guy was very kind, he offered to take me to a taxi stand near that place, although he was utterly tired, he said he haven't sleep the whole night because of the brazil vs north korea match, lols! the match sounded really exciting, unfortunately i missed it, but he was really kind, i appreciated the fact that he, as a Malay, helped his fellow Chinese Malaysian. And he even waited to make sure i get a taxi at the taxi stand. I got down his car, tried to ask the few cars at the taxi stand, and one of them was going to subang luckily, so i got on the taxi, and showed an "ok" sign to the taxi that offered to gimme a ride to the taxi stand. he showed back an "ok" sign, and he drove home, he said he stays at Bandar Tun Razak i recall... Anyways, the taxi that i got on to get to Subang was fairly friendly as well, he told me about the jam and all, and was manage to get me to Subang by 8am. The price for the fare was actually RM 21+, but he only offered a price of Rm 20. I got down the car, walked to class, and found that one of my friend that is seated beside me came earlier today, talked to her about my car, and i felt lucky to have friends that cared bout me. And she smsed me the first thing she woke up today! asking if im alright... i felt like im the luckiest guy on earth to have someone like her to care about me... Love her so much... hahas, and when school ended today, my friend that sat beside me took me to KTM, along with another friend that taught me which station to where, and so, i was able to make my way to putra KTM station, and from there, my GOOD and BEST friend, WILLIAM!!! took the time to walk a distance from his house to the KTM just for me, im so touched T.T then he showed me the way to the LRT, and from there i was able to get home, straight to Ampang, and when i saw all those people lining up to buy ticket, i was lucky enough to have a touch n go given by my father... And when i reached Ampang station, i was a little pissed upon realizing that my mother haven't reach, although i already told her in advance about my arrival. But i saw people, waiting for people to fetch them as well... I saw this girl, she was in the same train as i was, i was observing people as usual, lols... and well, i saw her boyfriend (i think it was her BF, cause didnt seems like her brother nor father) her boy friend was driving a really old and worn out proton, but yet, the smile on her face the second she saw him coming to fetch her, was priceless... that kind of happiness that someone you love comes to fetch you... regardless of how rich they are, or what car they drive, because all that matters was that who was there to fetch you... her smile was real, i can't say i see it, but in some ways i believe that humans can feel it, and i felt that it was real and pure... the feeling of love for someone, it doesn't matters who they are anymore, because they are themselves. On the other hand i saw this old lady, she was already waiting there, sitting there alone when i arrived at the Ampang LRT station... And i waited at the bench along with her, i waited for around 20-30 minutes before my mother arrived, and even after my mother arrived, she was still sitting there, alone... probably waiting for her children to come to fetch her, but they was late, not for 5 minutes, but for hours maybe... i pity her, the looks on her face was dull... she seems bored at the same time sad. Just imagine your her, sitting there for such a long time, looking at people getting fetch by their loved ones, and yet yours never came... or took a really long time to come... how would you feel?

Well, at the end i got on to my mother's car, i told her about today, she seems normal, nothing much to talk about... but she told me bout the food she has at home, which made me feel bad at one point cause i ate a little... hahas... but i was glad that she came to fetch me, although she was a little late, but i was glad, because someone still cares about me... that shows that i'm not alone in this world... I've always believed that no body could be able to live alone, to live alone means to live your life in a rather dull or to be said as "dead" situation... what is life without friends and people that you care, same time they care about you? To live life without experiencing love, not just love by couple, but love in sense of friends, brothers, family, sometimes even your pet! To never experience those, we will never understand what is life like... because love is not just only love, it contains moments where we get hurt, happy, sad, satisfied, complicated, confused and lots more! At one point its like something that can't be categorized of defined...

Well~ thats all for today~! won't be driving tomorrow because car broke down~ whooo... parents fetch! haha! at one point i kinda missed my mother fetching me to school... lols!

good night ppl!

outss...

ஐღº A.C ºღஐ

ஐღº what a day ºღஐ

Heyysss people... went to Pav today, don't know why am i even blogging...lols! its not like anyone is going to read this anyway... God dammit who was it that told me Pav has nice shops for electronics? Its so damn bloody expensive my god! it would be like heaven and hell compared to laoyat, gosh all those laptops that are sold at a price of 1400 - 1600 is like 1800+ there, whats wrong with those people's mind seriously, laoyat is like just across the street, yet they sell at such a high price! can they even survive?

By the way who ever is reading this, i'm planning to buy a small laptop that cost around 1400, if possible around 1000... Must run on windows 7, and long life span. Anyone have any suggestions for me please place it on my chatbox yea! thanks people! xD

loves you...

outsss~

ஐღº A.C ºღஐ

ஐღº Caffeinees ºღஐ

i <3>

ஐღº Long gone... College life... My god... ºღஐ

Heys ppls... i wonder if who still actually checks out my dead blog... havent update it for like, a year... LOL! well... secondary is officially over... college... my god... coursework... quiz.... hw.... its all killing me...o.o its like, x3 the stress of secondary...T.T and its specially tiring when you drive.... all those energy spent on driving.... really makes me go mad... i think i will update again soon... just postin this to see if who still reads my blog... lols... plz tag my chatboard if u read this... along with names plz, thanks

=]

ஐღº A.C ºღஐ