When i was a small kid back then, i use to take relationships as tho they were my life. I use to think that being apart with someone that we love the most are something painful and unacceptable. Every time a relationship i have ended, i get sad and lifeless... But today has let me realize the true painful of so called "being apart"... Apart not as in the situation of stopped talking or texting someone, but the apart of not being able to see them again... or even hear from them...
It was a day when my father slept till late afternoon... which made me wonder what has happened... But i never thought much about it, instead i just assumed that he was tired and needed more rest. As the clock hits 5pm in the evening, i was even more surprised that no one talked about the usual sunday hike that we always go consistently. When i asked my father where would we go for dinner, he answered me with a normal tone "He passed away, didn't you know?" At that moment, its as tho my heart fell to my stomach... Not literally, but the feeling of a shocking news that was heard out of expectations. Even with his so calmed and normal tone, a slight feeling of sorrow were felt... My father, also as my idol has always been a strong figure in my life... His determination and the way he deals with things, made me so today. It was a day where the house were drown by complete silence... Everyone's face showed nothing... and out of nothing, something... well you get what i mean... its indescribable... As we were all dressed black and grey... we stepped into our father's car and headed for his place... maybe for one last time we would see him...
The trip there were silent... None spoke of a word... As we have arrived, many were there... but silent remains... We walked into his house with feelings so complicated... To be honest i didn't even knew if i would shed tears... We all took one of those that chinese called "xiang", its a kind of tradition thing... As we were lining up to give him our last words... i could hear my uncle's mourn... The mourn of a true friend that gave everyone the feeling that "he is gone...forever..."
Then all started to tear... Even for me i couldn't resist... He was like an uncle to me... Even before i was able to start remember things, he is already in my life... Although im not as close to him, unlike my siblings and my father... But i could feel the bond, as tho its being break apart... We then walked in to see him for one last time... He was already in there... Laying there... as tho he was asleep... Again... its indescribable... Then i see this figure that had always been someone that i look up to... He has always been telling me about his experience in life... my brother... turned around, facing the wall... Without asking i could tell... How he felt deep inside himself...
And this is one thing that surprised me the most... The man that had brought me up... raised me into what i am today... Looking into those eyes of his that were always serious and at times fierce... for the first time i saw them becoming red... and filled with tears about to drop.... I could understand how painful it really is to have someone so close and important to leave...forever... Those impression of people and feelings that weren't able to be understand merely by words or from normal situation made me realize how the meaning of truly apart is...
A person's life are precious... Some people died with no reason and meaning... Some with meanings so deep, that its not just carved, but planted into the core of our heart forever... With his whole life gave us a conclusion... a lesson that made us all grown up a little bit more... A great indescribable realization of great truth that were only able to be understand by a departure of forever....
We would always love you... and as we remember you, you will always be in our memory and in all of us... apart of you will always be alive and continue to walk down this road of life with us...
Rest in Peace...
To those out there... Cherish your life... Some things would never come back as they are gone... When a bond or a relationship ends, do not sorrow or anger... hatred is just another childish reason to avoid reality... Cherish the time we have... both with our friends and enemy... because once the true ending comes... Nothing that happened now would ever happen again... Things that hurt us and aided us are what that made us who we are today and are what that had brought us up and forged us... And give us lessons in life to one day realize something that we never knew...
Cherish all we have...
Both liked and disliked...
Because everything thats in life is a part of life...
We only live life once...
Live it all out...
outss....
ஐღº A.C ºღஐ
